


Val Jester

by lampshadecrown



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Heavy Angst, Song Lyrics, Star-crossed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16126919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lampshadecrown/pseuds/lampshadecrown
Summary: She loved him, but she needed to go.Reylo. Angsty AF, based off of Val Jester by the National.





	Val Jester

**Author's Note:**

> oof; this has been sitting in my drafts for ages so I figured I'd just post it. Enjoy xx

_Build a fire,_  
_For Val Jester_

He was always eager to please her, it seemed. Showering her in luxury was just simple compensation for the things he'd done; hurt her, hurt others, hurt himself. She despised all of it, despised him- how could someone so beautiful do things that were so ugly?

She watched his form under the sheets silently. She'd never seen him so peaceful before. She longed to run her fingers through his hair again, to kiss her way up his neck towards those perfect, cupids bow lips. But instead her form was frozen, watching him as he dreamt of things hopefully better than his reality.

_Build a room,_  
_For your love_

As she stole a look around the room, she remembered the first time she'd stayed here, with him. He'd practically plucked her from the front line of resistance fighters on Jakku and though she had gotten stronger with her saber, so had he. It only took a few minutes of having her guard down for him to snap his fingers and watch her fall into his waiting embrace.

The first nights were hell. She'd screamed, banged on the doors, destroyed things. She could feel his anguish through the bond, his regret. But there was also a sense of certainty. Now that Kylo had her in his grasp, no one could hurt his love.

She didn't reciprocate the feelings right away, but eventually she gave in, too tired of the heartache of being alone. Thats when he joined her inside her prison.

And now that he was here, totally off guard, she would run. She would flee from her lover even though it tore her to bits from the inside out. She loved him, and all it ever did was hurt her.

Numbly, Rey stood from the bed, wiping tears she didn't realize had fallen during her thoughts. Her pack was ready for her by the door; eventually Ren had given her the saber back, and a part of her wishes he hadn't, so that she had a reason to stay a little longer. But the resistance called to her now, and she worried for them.

Rey made her way to the door and picked up her belongings, turning to look at him again. He was beautiful, showered in the glow of starlight. In that moment, he looked like just a man she had loved, not the monster she had tried so hard to push away. She felt the hum of steady sleep across the bond, his happiness radiating from her head to her toes.

_Take your time,_  
_When you tell her_  
_How she lives_  
_In your blood._

Rey's fingers felt warm against the steel doorhandle, and she let out a shaky breath before opening it, turning to steal another glance at her lover before fleeing to the escape pods, mind tricking anyone who she'd run into on the way there.

The whole way, his contentness thrummed through her, soothing and spiking her pain. She wouldn't go back, she told herself. She'd never be able to anyway.

When Kylo awoke hours later, his fingers stretched across the mattress, reaching for her soft skin. But all he felt was a barren space, empty and cold. He sat up in a rush, listening for the sound of the shower, or even her just rustling around in the other room, as she often does in the early hours of the morning. But he was met with a chilling silence, an empty room.

_You should've looked after her better_  
_You should've looked after her more_

His breath was stolen from him as he felt her across the bond, her sorrow filling every corner of his mind until he began to sob himself, his head in his hands. She was long gone now, he could feel the distance between them, and though he knew where she was headed, he wasn't sure he could follow.

He was finished playing cat and mouse, finished being the one to want her more than she wanted him. He couldn't bear to pull her from her friends any longer. He recalls a few times when she asked him to go back with her, telling him that she would protect him, that his mother would. He refused her, of course. The shame in his mother's eyes would surely be the death of him if he ever stepped foot in front of her again. Thats if the rest of the resistance didn't kill him first.

_You should've locked the door._

The shower he took was long and cold, droplets spilling from his hair and on to his back as he stood, almost frozen, doing nothing at all except feeling his emotions pass through him like a storm. It felt as though hours had passed before he actually began to bathe, trying his hardest not to picture the times when Rey had been with him. She was always so gentle; she'd run her fingers through his glossy black hair and play with the ends, standing on her tip toes so that she could wash his hair properly.

Her fingers would blaze trails down his body- trails that lit a fire in his stomach, unquenchable. It seems as though he stood under the cool stream of water to forget them. To erase them like they never existed at all. By the time he stepped out from under the water, shivers wracked his body so hard that he could barely stand.

_Fill her coat with weapons,_  
_And help her get it on_

He was attempting to get dressed when Hux began pounding on his door, yelling at him about having too much of a late start this morning. Kylo barked an insult at the anxious general before telling him to meet him on the bridge. When the sounds of the general's footsteps retreated down the hall, Kylo stood, moving toward the mirror.

He looked the way he felt; a mess. He wasn't sure he could even hide that fact from behind his mask. His fingers traced his scar and before he could think, he was reaching across the bond to her, hoping for a few moments of comfort. But she was a steel shield, blocking him from feeling anything except for her presence, stoic and unmoving.

_Cuz one day, when she goes_  
_She's gone._

He braces himself before sliding the mask over his sullen eyes, hiding the fact that he can always see her reflection in them. The ache in his chest begins to sting hard as he walked away from their bed, now knowing that last night was the last time they'd ever share it. Of all the ways Kylo had suffered the past few months, this had to be the deepest blow. Something he couldn't manage to shake.

The bridge was quiet when he trudged through the hall, like they knew his struggle but dared not to speak of it. He frowned at all of them under his mask. He didn't want their pity. He looked out the windows of the spacecraft, getting lost in the abyss of stars.

_You should've held onto her better_  
_You should've held onto her more_

Kylo felt like he was drowning in them. Drowning in his love for her, all his regrets becoming an anchor to weigh him down. All the things that he would have done differently if given a second chance.

But her faith lied with the Resistance more than it did with him, and he knew it. She was always meant to evade him, to lead him on and then leave him. After all, who could ever love a man who practically killed for a living?

He felt a glimpse of her across the bond, a sliver of her passing affection. He decided then that he could wait. He could wait for her to return, even if she decided she never would. He would remain steady, like rock against the ocean. He would not fall to his emotion anymore.  
Kylo would wait for her to come back to him.

_You should've locked the door._


End file.
